she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
