I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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