i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize