I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
