the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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