I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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