I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My dick has a subreddit
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
