would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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