Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize