belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
