The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Randomize
