can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
