Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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