My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
