I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
