wanna go halves on a baby?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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