p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize