Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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