Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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