Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
pray to the hookup gods
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize