4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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