I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
