I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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