I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
