My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Drunk is a universal language darling
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