If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
