Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
