Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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