I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
