i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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