Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
