i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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