I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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