so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
