I just made out with a guy for $7.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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