Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
