As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
