then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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