Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
