I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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