Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize