I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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