I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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