Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
