she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
