you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm both gender and math confused
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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