I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
