Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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