the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
