I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
