I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
