I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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