Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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