My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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