yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Actions speak louder than pants.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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