I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
