I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
