honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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