We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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