sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
