this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
