Plan B is the new Plan A
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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