just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
