The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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