i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
honey bunches of taint.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
