even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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