I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
