The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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