Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
