Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize